At the same time

Daily Devotion - May 22

I will send a brief message each day (except Mondays) 

while we are pausing gathering in person.
- Kara

They just announced that the Minnesota State Fair is canceled.

This is terrible news.

It would be more terrible if they announced they were going forward. 

So here's the great dilemma (and gift!) of this strange time: we keep getting reminded again and again that something can be more than one thing at the same time.  That the State Fair is canceled is both sad, and also the right decision; I am both disappointed and glad.  Watching graduates wave in cap and gown on their front lawn is both wonderful and heart-breaking.  Online worship is both deeply meaningful, and bittersweet.  Honking at someone for their birthday is not enough, and also more than we did last year.  Taking a walk meets a need to get out and also stimulates a greater longing to get out.  We are feeling both satisfied and unsatisfied at the same time.

I find myself saying more often these days, "I don't know how to feel."  But that's not really true, and presents a false dilemma. I do know how to feel - I am already feeling it. I don't need to decide what the appropriate feeling is for a situation, I simply need to let the feelings that arise be recognized.

Our feelings are rarely simple or clear-cut. Life is messy, and not always easy to categorize.  In less fraught times, we can give in more easily to our temptation to divide things either/or, to call something win/lose, good/bad, happy/sad.  Right now life is resisting our simplistic assessments.  We're having so many experiences that are bad and good, sad and happy, losses and wins, at the same time.

These circumstances demand honoring, and all the feelings get to show up - even if they come together.  And truthfully, most often, in the deepest and most important moments, lots of feelings come together. Joy shows up unexpected in the midst of loss, laughter right along with tears.  A celebration brings up a flash of mourning for ones who can't be there. Memories, hopes, expectations - they all factor in to our experiences. We are complex creatures, and we can handle - we are made to handle - all these feelings.  Feelings are indicators of needs met and unmet - they open us up to love deeper, to see wider, to stand stronger, to receive life with gratitude.

So, it's ok to cry about the loss of the Great Minnesota Get Together this year.  Our sorrow shows our love - this treasured Minnesota tradition matters so much to so many of us because we care about each other. And because we care about each other, and this matters so much to us, we are staying away from each other to keep each other safe.  That is sad, and terrible, and deeply beautiful, all at the same time.

CONNECTING RITUAL:

Perhaps tonight before bed, whatever time that is in each of our homes, we and so join our souls with each other and the people of the whole earth:

God with us,

be with me now.

In all the feelings of this day, like...

Help me see what the feelings point to.

What love do they lift up?

What longings do they reveal?

What connections do they celebrate?

What hope do they point to?

God with me now,

be with us.

In all the feelings of tomorrow,

and all the experiences to come,

help me stay present,

to my feelings and what they want to show me

about this life I am in,

that you are in with me.

Amen.

The Good Kind of Sore

Daily Devotion - April 16

I will send a brief message each day
while we are pausing gathering in person.
- Kara

I have been "off"  or "on vacation" the last couple of days, which is a strange thing in these times, when we are all at home every second, and all the work, play, sleep, meals, fights, entertainment and rest happens right here, in the same space, with the same people. Every. single. day.
I joked beforehand that for my vacation I decided to just take a staycation, chill in sweatpants, catch up on Netflix, that sort of thing.

The first day, I woke up with fire in the belly, and I cleaned my house for 8 1/2 hours. (That's 2 1/2 Les Miserables and 1 Hamilton on the main floor before moving on to the bedrooms).  I cleaned like I have never cleaned my house in my life, (unless I was moving out). I moved all the furniture. I got inside the baseboard heaters and between kitchen backsplash tiles, I washed inside drawers, sorted the pencils from the pens from the markers, took apart the french press.
Probably other people clean like this all the time, but that's not me.  I usually hate cleaning.  But this time, it felt cathartic, healing, somehow.

Singing opera and scrubbing floors got me out of my head and into my body and my space in a different way.  I woke up sore the next day.  The good kind of sore.

What is getting you out of your head and into your body?
What is making you inhabit your space differently?

These last few days, I've also noticed that the waves of shock and disbelief, loss and grief, boredom and frustration - they keep coming.

I keep reminding myself that if we let them wash over us and move through us, they pass.  If we avoid them or resist them, they stubbornly set up camp in the periphery and wait till we let our guard down to overtake us.  We can't keep our guard up all the time. It's too long. Maybe we can't do it at all anymore.
Maybe that's gift.

Every day, sometimes more than once, some one or another of my family drifts up to me, limp and bereft, and says, "I don't want to do this anymore."
And I take a deep breath and respond, "I know. This is really hard." And I give them a hug.
And I don't try to fix it.  Or make them feel better.
That's not easy for me - I want to fix it. I want them to feel better.
But it helps to know I actually can't fix it.  And it helps to remember that to move forward we need to feel what we are really feeling.

But also, we've been listening to 80s rock ballads during dinner every night. Loudly. And singing along. And sometimes getting up and adding some drums or air guitar if we can't help ourselves.
And too, the dog must go outside for walks - so we must go outside for walks as well.
These things are getting us out of our heads and into our bodies too.

Easter Season lasts for 50 days.
50 days to watch for resurrection.
This is a singular Easter season in our lives. It's preset to remind us at every turn that we can't make resurrection happen. We can only watch and wait for it.
We can't fix it, feel it, or believe it into being.
 We can only get ready for it by being right where we are, feeling just what we feel.  We can inhabit the space we are in, and move inside the bodies we are given.
But this is right where God is.
And this is just where new life comes.


CONNECTING RITUAL:

Instead of praying with words and thoughts, ideas and instructions, let's use our feelings and body to pray today.

Perhaps, tonight before we go to bed, whatever time that is in each of our homes, we might pause, reflect, and pray in this way, and so join our hearts:

First - feelings:
Try to go back and name every feeling you felt throughout the day, without judgment. Just noticing.  Maybe even jot them down if it helps.  Offer the feelings to God as a prayer.(If you need some feeling words to put to your sensations, here's the feelings list. And if you're struggling to put words to what needs today felt met or unmet, here's the needs list again.)

Then, movement:
Why not sing the Doxology, with the motions that our children taught us?*  As many times through as your voice and body wish.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow!
(Standing straight, bring hands to prayer pose in front of chest, then extended widely out)

Praise God all creatures here below!
(Raise hands and face straight up toward sky, then bend at the waist and drop hands to the floor)

Praise God above the heavenly host!
(Lift arms wide and circle above head so fingertips are almost touching). 

Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost!
(Hug self and rock back and forth).**

Amen.
(Hands back to prayer pose)

---

*All (four of) the LNPC kids made up these motions in 2008, at approx. ages 2, 4, 6 and 8 (two Roots and two Lucases, Jim and Linda Duncan's grandkids). The oldest of them is graduating high school this year, Congratulations McKenzie Lucas!

*This motion came about when McKenzie and Samantha were asked to come up with a symbol for "Father" and they immediately wrapped themselves in a hug.  It stuck through the whole phrase as the feeling of the closeness of God, right here holding us.  

There are no "good" days

Daily Devotion - April 3

I will send a brief message each day (except Mondays) while we are pausing gathering in person.
- Kara

Today I woke up to the announcement that Minneapolis beaches and outdoor pools will be closed through the summer.
Through. The. Summer.
The City Pages headline read, "Summer is Cancelled."

It feels like too much to take in.
This thing is going to go on and on.

I am angry.
I am sad.

I have seen friends share, "I had a bad day yesterday."  And by "bad" they mean they had hard feelings to live with - sadness, anxiety, fear, anger.  By this measure, a "good" day is when we feel the easier feelings to live with, like happy, or grateful, or peaceful.

We tell ourselves we are supposed to be feeling the "good" feelings, at least most of the time.  And if we are feeling the "bad" ones, we should keep it to ourselves for the time being, and try to get over them quickly.  Once we move out of the discomfort and vulnerability, like maybe tomorrow, we can admit that we had those feelings today.

We used to measure our days by what we got accomplished. Did we get a lot of work done? Do we have a lot to show for our time? By that measure, right now every day is a "bad" day for many of us.  So we have shifted all the pressure of judging our days onto our emotions. But feelings aren't "good" or "bad."  Nor are they designed to be barometers of whether life is "good" or "bad" at the moment, or whether we are "doing good" or "bad," or our even whether our day has been "good" or "bad."

I have to keep remembering this: feelings are merely indicators that our needs are being met or unmet in the moment.  And right now is a weird, volatile, intense, rapidly changing and utterly standing still time, like nothing any of us have ever been through.  So it makes complete sense that our feelings would shift rapidly throughout the day, up and down, back and forth. And in the midst of all this, there are feelings I enjoy having, and those I'd prefer not to feel.  But they are all helpful. They are all informative.

My informative feelings are telling me that:
Right now, my needs for shelter and love are being met; my needs for hope and space are not being met.  That's happening at the same time. It's not "good" or "bad" - it just is.

Perhaps, if we insist on reaching a conclusion about how our day has been, "hard" or "easy" might be a more helpful way to label it. Or maybe we can begin to learn to inhabit our days as they are, resisting tallying them up on team "win" or "lose."  Just meet ourselves with gentleness and acceptance of the one life we are living in right now.

Just now, when I looked at the needs list to see what I might be needing, the one that screamed off the page at me was mourning.
So here I go again. 
I am sad.
I am angry.
I have a need to mourn what I wanted summer to be.
I have a need to mourn, again, all that this virus is taking from us all.
I can't receive the gifts in what life actually is, if I judge my feelings and don't recognize my needs.
The good news for me is, mourning is a need I can meet.

Circling back today to the Rumi poem is helping me.
So, here it is again:

The Guest House by Rumi
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

CONNECTING RITUAL:

Perhaps, tonight before we go to bed, whatever time that is in each of our homes, we might pray this Psalm, and so join our hearts:

Prayer of Lament, (Psalm 130 paraphrased)
Out of the depths of my being I cry to you, my God;
Come near, hear my voice.
Listen to me! Turn your heart to hear
my cry for mercy.

If you, my God, kept a record
of the times we turn away from you
and reject your love,
God, who could stand?
But you restore us to our belonging in you,
so that we can, with clarity of purpose,
serve you and care for each other.

I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits,
 and in God's word I put my hope.
I wait for the One who comes in,
more than those who watch for the morning,
more than those who watch for the morning.

O beloved children,
put your hope in God,
for with our Source of being is unfailing love
and with Love incarnate is full redemption.
God who enters in, will redeem God's children,
from all that destroys.

This week, we are reading through the Gospel of John.  In my house, it is at the dinner table. Maybe for you, it will be when you wake up, or before bed, or over lunch.  It can be read in about 20 minutes a day, or by reading three chapters each day.  If this is your approach, today, we are reading Chapters 16-18.

Blessed are those who Mourn

Daily Devotion - March 25

I will try to send a brief message to my congregation each day (except Mondays) while we are pausing gathering in person.
- Kara

This morning I awoke to a message from a friend, about her 14 year old. "He won’t do school work. Won’t leave his room. Won’t shower. Won’t take a walk because what’s the point. I don’t know what to do. And I don’t have anything to motivate him. Or anything to take away when he won’t do schoolwork. This sucks."

I knew what she was talking about.  This was my daughter, briefly the other day. I laid her in front of an episode of Nova and we counted that as school.  It was me briefly, (a different day, thankfully than her) and I closed the door and watched 6 straight episodes of "Good Girls."  But today I had some perspective.
Her son is meeting a need.

In NVC, we talk about how needs are qualities that contribute to the flourishing of life, shared by all human beings.  One of those is the need to mourn.

The life we were in, the plans we had made, the future we were shaping, the rhythms we enjoyed or endured, they're gone. It's all paused, halted, with no end in sight to the strangeness.
Grieving is a shared human need.

My friend's son reminded me of a widower, In a kind of shock and loss. Shuffling around in a bathrobe. Not wanting to eat or get dressed. Not able to engage in life, or see what's worth living for.  Those were the actual words from my own 12 year old daughter who is usually vibrant with life, "There's nothing to live for." That is the sound of grief.
And mourning is a need that can be met.

I answered her,
He needs to grieve.
Maybe give him some really concrete way to grieve. What he’s doing is what people do when a loved one dies. Tell him to dress in black. Tell him mourning is an important way to pray, to grieve for the things that are lost- for him and for the whole world.

Give him a time frame, make it his job instead of schoolwork. "You  seem to have a calling right now to grieve. This is your job till Friday. Like monks who pray for the world on behalf of all of us. Cry if you can. Write about how bad this feels. Pray for those who are sick. Tell God. And when you’re finished you will know." So maybe not a time frame.  He will be done when the need is met."

Then a few minutes later, I added,
But maybe also say,  You have to shower and get dressed to show up to your job of mourning. (!)

Feelings & Needs
This pulled-out-of-our-lives time is a good time to pay attention to our feelings and needs.

Feelings are indicators of needs that are met or unmet.  There are not "good" feelings and "bad" feelings - they're merely signs, to show us what's going on in us.

We have a pretty limited vocabulary around feelings: happy, sad, angry, tired... but there are so many feeling words available to us.  There is satisfaction and relief in being able to name what we are really feeling.

These feeling words help us get at what our needs are, so that we can name them, and even find new strategies in this time to meet them.

FOR ADULTS -
Here is a feelings list (2 pages) and a needs list. I encourage you to print them out and refer to them throughout the day, especially when you feel stuck, or are having a strong emotion you can't identify (or someone else in your house is).

• What am I feeling? What am I needing? 
• What are they feeling? What might they be needing?

There is also an App - called "iGrok" that has the feelings and needs on your phone. (I use it frequently).

(You can watch clips of Marshall Rosenberg doing, or teaching, NVC here).

FOR KIDS & PARENTS -
We have mailed each family a set of kids Grok cards- which are feelings and needs.
They come with a booklet of games. Play some games together to get familiar with the cards and comfortable using the words.

Then - and I say this from experience - they come in really handy when someone is having a meltdown, or a shutdown, to take some guesses at feelings and needs.  Lay out cards, take guesses - Are you feeling frustrated? Annoyed?  Angry? Are you needing space?  Choice?  To see and be seen? 
And let the child - or adult! - say yes and no to different cards until they can identify and own the feelings and need.

It feels so good when you can get to the need and have it acknowledged and valued.

And if your need today is to mourn, embrace it.
Don't try to make yourself cheer up or feel something different.
Meet the need.

Here's the promise: When it is met, it will subside, and another need will arise, like gratitude, play, connection, or rest.
You can trust that this is true.

(FYI - Andy's Podcast: New Time Religion, has an episode about the virus called, "The Virus took our Future." You can listen here).

CONNECTING RITUAL:

Perhaps tonight before bed, whatever time that is in each of our homes, we might all receive this blessing, and so join our souls:

THE LORD’S PRAYER - NEW ZEALAND PRAYER BOOK

Eternal Spirit
Earth-Maker, Pain-bearer, Life-giver,
source of all that is and that shall be,
Father and Mother of us all,
Loving God, in whom is heaven.

The hallowing of your name echoes through
the universe!

The way of your justice be followed
by the peoples of the earth!

Your heavenly will be done by all created beings!

Your commonwealth of peace and freedom
sustain our hope and come on earth.

With the bread we need for today, feed us.

In the hurts we absorb from one another, forgive us.

In times of temptation and test, spare us.

From the grip of all that is evil, free us.

For you reign in the glory of the power that is love,
now and forever.

Amen.

Welcoming ourselves

Daily Devotion - March 20

I will try to send a brief message to my congregation each day while we are pausing gathering in person.
- Kara

 I have been repeating my sister's words to myself all day today:

"We have grace for what is actually happening. Never for what might be."

I felt that grace today.  

I realized in some ways, I have been blocking myself from receiving that grace. I have been using productivity as armor - if I keep busy I don't have to feel my disappointment, my fear, my anxiety, my cabin fever.  

If I keep busy I don't have to feel the discomfort of being.  

Today I unclenched a little bit. I tried to let the feelings come in a little more. And I tried to slow down and practice the gentleness I encouraged you all to give yourselves yesterday.

What if we gently welcomed the upheaval of emotions? 
This is an unprecedented situation. Feelings will come without warning, and they will likely surprise you. 

Here are some I've heard:

"It sounds terrible but I'm glad my mom died last year and isn't here for this."

"My family sucks.  I'm lonely and they wont hang out with me."

"I've been alone all day but I'm in the house with everyone else and I desperately need space."

"I had to run an errand and found myself wanting to drive around aimlessly and not go back home."

"I'm terrified imagining who I love will be sick and maybe die."

"I'm furious that mother in law in the hospital (for an aneurism) can't have anyone visit her and she's scared."  

Feelings are indicators of needs that are being met or unmet. They are not dangerous or threatening. They're just signals. We can listen to our feelings for what they have to tell us. We can welcome them.

I love Rumi's poem, The Guest House.

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.

meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

When the feelings come, how about practicing some self-empathy? 

My friend Jamie taught me a short-cut to self-empathy.

It goes like this: Place your hand on your own cheek and gently say, "Oh honey..."  This works for me.  I immediately feel a tenderness open up, a willingness to receive myself with care.

Or, do as she does: place your hand on your heart, and pat your chest softly, and say, "There, there..."

Treat yourself as a precious human being.  Treat yourself with the kindness you would a child, a friend, another precious human being.   May we welcome ourselves as God welcomes us.

And then, may we let God welcome us too.  
There is nothing we bear that God doesn't see and carry with us.  We can name all the feelings we have to God.  Because unless we can say what is actually happening, we can't receive the grace that God has for us right here in the real.  Grace doesn't run out, and it can't be saved up. God gives us all the we need, only when we need it.  

Let your heart speak these words:

PSALM 139:1-12

O Lord, you have searched me and known me. 

You know when I sit down and when I rise up;

   you discern my thoughts from far away. 

You search out my path and my lying down,

   and are acquainted with all my ways. 

Even before a word is on my tongue,

   O Lord, you know it completely. 

You hem me in, behind and before,

   and lay your hand upon me. 

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;

   it is so high that I cannot attain it. 

Where can I go from your spirit?

   Or where can I flee from your presence? 

If I ascend to heaven, you are there;

   if I make my bed in Sheol, you are there. 

If I take the wings of the morning

   and settle at the farthest limits of the sea, 

even there your hand shall lead me,

   and your right hand shall hold me fast. 

If I say, ‘Surely the darkness shall cover me,

   and the light around me become night’, 

even the darkness is not dark to you;

   the night is as bright as the day,

   for darkness is as light to you.

May we rest ourselves in God's limitless care.

CONNECTING RITUAL:

Perhaps in the morning, when we wake up tomorrow, 

whatever time that is in each of our homes, 

we might all say this prayer, and so join our souls:

The Prayer of St. Patrick

I arise today

Through the strength of heaven;

Light of the sun,

Splendor of fire,

Speed of lightning,

Swiftness of the wind,

Depth of the sea,

Stability of the earth,

Firmness of the rock.

I arise today

Through God's strength to pilot me;

God's might to uphold me,

God's wisdom to guide me,

God's eye to look before me,

God's ear to hear me,

God's word to speak for me,

God's hand to guard me,

God's way to lie before me,

God's shield to protect me,

God's hosts to save me

Afar and anear,

Alone or in a mulitude.

Christ shield me today

Against wounding

Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,

Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,

Christ on my right, Christ on my left,

Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down,

Christ in the heart of everyone who thinks of me,

Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,

Christ in the eye that sees me,

Christ in the ear that hears me.

I arise today

Through the mighty strength

Of the Lord of creation.

Being Still

While we are pausing in-person gatherings, I am sharing a daily devotion email with my congregation. I will share them here. 

Daily Devotion for Being Apart - March 13

For me this day began in stress and intensity, with a third major trip cancellation in our family life, after an anxious, sleepless night.
When the dust settled around half-packed suitcases and refunded reservations, I realized there are a lot of emotions in me right now that I have been avoiding, ignoring, and dismissing.  Mostly, for me, there is both relief and grief, in equal measure.

What emotions are in you right now?

Take a minute and name them. 

In our Lenten practice of facing our fears and trusting God to meet us there with hope, we are also invited to name whatever else is real for us.  God is waiting to encounter us in the real - we just often don't let ourselves go there.

What is real for you right now?

I took a walk in the bracing wind and bright sunshine, and I named all the things I am disappointed about. I named the things I feel relieved about. I named my worries and my fatigue. After telling all that to God, I felt a little more grounded and present. I let my cheeks feel the cold air and warm sun together.

Then I remembered our Lenten practice from last year.


Remember? We carried this finger rosary in our pockets.  And we sang, "Be still and know, that I am God..." for each bump on the rosary.
So while I walked, I used my fingers.
Touching each fingertip, breathing deeply in and out, I began:  
Be Still and Know, that I am God,
Be Still and Know that I am God.

When I got to the end of my hand, I felt better.  
I can be still.
I can remember God is God.

Take a moment, if you'd like, and try this practice.  Using your pointer finger, gently touch the finger tips of your opposite hand. Sing "Be still and know, that I am God...." for each finger. 
(This practice is available to you ANY TIME you need to pause in God's presence, and be reminded of what's true).

I still carry my grief and relief, but I am not begrudging them room in me. They alert me to the gift of being alive.  (In NVC words I might say, my need for mourning reveals how deeply the beauty, connection and exploration of life matters to me, and my feeling of relief shows how my needs for safety, care and belonging were all met in our canceled plans).

Whatever emotions are in you now, reflect on what they might be telling you. Can you feel what God might be saying to you in the midst of them?


CONNECTING RITUAL:

Perhaps tonight, before we go to bed, whatever time that is in each of our homes, we might all say this prayer, and so join our souls:

A Prayer for Night
Lord it is night.
The night is for stillness.
Let us be still in the presence of God.

It is night after a long day.
What has been done has been done;
what has not been done has not been done.
Let it be.

The night is dark.
Let our fears of the darkness
of the world and of our own lives
rest in you.

The night is quiet.
Let the quietness of your peace enfold us,
all dear to us, and all who have no peace.

The night heralds the dawn.
Let us look expectantly to a new day,
new joys, new possibilities.
In your name we pray.
Amen.

(New Zealand Prayerbook)