Showing posts with label grieving. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grieving. Show all posts

Monday, April 18, 2022

After death

                                  Memory and the Risen Christ—Luke 24:1–12 | Political Theology Network


Luke 23:48-24:12

Christ has risen [He has risen indeed!]

The congregation gathered in this room and online here together this Easter is radically different from the one who gathered the last time we celebrated Easter in this space.  Our toddlers have become full-on kids. New people have joined this community both here in Minnesota and from afar.  And also, in the last 20 months, 11 people from this congregation have died.  Eleven times in the past 20 months loved ones in this community have had to begin the work of grieving and letting go, while the also doing the things that must be done to move forward -- choosing a casket or urn, making service preparations, the mountains of paperwork.  Right now three families among us are in the midst of that work.  The secular liturgy of death is imposed on us in the hours and days when we are most raw and shaky.  And it was no different when Jesus died.
 
We’ve heard this Easter story so many times, in so many different ways. But today I want us to recognize how this story is set in the hours, and days, and weeks right after death.  When Jesus died, those who loved him had to grieve and let go, while navigating all the details and logistics that come with death. 
 
This work was done by a group of women.  These women were Jesus’ friends and disciples, followers, patrons of his ministry, who provided for Jesus and the rest of the disciples. Some of them left lives behind to follow him. (Mary Magdaline was freed from demons and became known as “apostle to the apostles.” Joanna was the wife of Herod’s chief steward).  They were there with funding and support, coordinating meals and places to stay, taking care of what needed doing, and here they are, still doing this work, even after Jesus has died. 
 
These women stayed at the cross and watched Jesus die, watched the crowds leave, watched the soldiers take down his body.  They were there when Christ’s body was given to Joseph of Arimathea, and they went to the tomb to observe how Jesus was laid there.  Then they went home to prepare the spices for the body, to do the work that comes with death.
 
And then the Sabbath day comes, and everyone stops. Because their identity first and foremost is as God’s own people, claimed by God and reminded of this identity every week when nothing they do on this earth, not even the work that comes with death, is bigger or more important than letting God return humanity to the true order of things.  Even the death of God-with-us does not stop God from being God, or us from being God’s children.  
 
When the Sabbath ends, the women resume their work, bringing the spices to the tomb, where they are met by terrifying strangers in glowing clothing telling them in a cheeky way that that Jesus is not dead, but alive.  
Why do you look for the living among the dead?
I have always loved this question. Because they were obviously not looking for the living, they were looking for the dead, and expecting him to be where they left him.  But he’s not where they left him. 
(Christ has risen! He has risen indeed!) 
 
And I think we often are not looking for the living Jesus either.  We’d like him to be where we left him too.  In our bibles, in our lessons and our examples. We want to keep Jesus entombed as an idea, inspiration or supporting argument to use for our own ends. As though by our own our own efforts and striving, our own personal transformation or social engagement, inspired by the idea of Christ, of course, we can somehow save the world or ourselves.

We are not looking for a living entity who confronts us, and calls us, and wreaks change in our lives, and draws us into loving the world, and meets us with new life on the other side of a thousand deaths.  
And some years, with this text, that is my sermon. Amen. 
(Christ has risen! He has risen indeed!)
 
But this year I want to stay with the women who are doing the work that comes with death. 
In a time when a woman was not able to be a legal witness in a trial, in all four gospels one or all of these women are who share the news of Christ’s resurrection.  God chooses them as witnesses to God’s act of saving the whole world. God’s word comes through their word.  
 
And even though the rest of the disciples are hiding, and confused, and wondering what comes next, they are all already being called in scripture “apostles,” that is, instead of “followers,” they are being referred to as “sent ones.” Resurrection has happened, and things are already different.  
 
When the women go to the rest of the disciples-turned-apostles and tell them what they have seen, our prudish translators of old have said they thought it ‘an idle tale.’  This is actually a dirty word in the Greek. I already thrilled our teens a few weeks ago by using a swear in a sermon, so I’ll just say, they swore. The apostles called total BS on this claim. Peter had to run and see the empty tomb for himself. And when he did, he came back amazed.  He came around to where the women had been led – knowing something had happened but not knowing what it meant or what comes next.
 
There is no moving forward yet in this part of the story. Nobody knows what resurrection means and certainly nobody is celebrating. Later in the day on the road to Emmaus, two of Jesus’ followers will confuse him for a fellow traveler whose words strangely warm their hearts. They will invite him to stay with them and when he breaks bread and their eyes will be opened and they will recognize him, and he’ll disappear.  Sometime in that same day or the next he’ll appear to his followers again in another place and they think he’s a ghost, and he will eat broiled fish in front of them as though to prove otherwise.  

All that to say, it takes while for resurrection to settle in, for them to receive it, recognize it, to let it begin reshaping their lives. And when you’re still reeling from death resurrection sounds like BS.
 
But Christ has risen (he has risen indeed!).  
Resurrection has happened. They’ve yet to get their heads around that, and so have we.  God has already liberated the world.  Jesus has already defeated death. The end of the story has already been written. The “long arc of the moral universe is already bent toward justice” (to paraphraise Martin Luther King, Jr.). Redemption is underway.  The world belongs to God. We are being called and sent into this reality, to be part of the salvation already unfolding. 
 
We want quick fixes, instant salvation, painless upgrading.  But resurrection is the permanent shift, the long game, the real reality, and it means death is necessarily part of it.  Our Easter invitation today is not to jump right in with confident faith and cheerful rejoicing, as though death does not happen, as though suffering isn’t right here and the world as we know it doesn’t keep ending.  

Instead, our guides today are these friends of Jesus, these women who didn’t hide from death and loss.  They themselves will be moved toward God’s future where hope shows up in no ways they can anticipate, and life comes out of everything that’s been lost. God does this. The way there is to stay in the discomfort of being present to the reality, just as it is, however it is, and whatever that means for us. 
 
We are a community being reshaped by death and resurrection, always, and now. The living Jesus Christ is among us, working salvation in us and through us.  So we will be honest and willing to stay with each other in the stuff of life and death where Jesus can meet us.  We will keep stopping and resting on purpose to remember God is God of the whole universe, holding everything, and that our lives are a response to this God.  We will keep witnessing to each other what we’ve experienced, because God’s word comes through our words.  And we will watch for the ways we are being sent, even if we don’t know yet what comes next.
 
Life is precarious just now, for this whole world, really, and for this community, indeed, as we do the work that comes with death.  In the shadow of death, life is precious, and joy comes as a gift and a surprise.  On Good Friday, the energy in this room was palpable.  As we gathered in our black clothing in our living rooms and in this somber sanctuary to once again tell the story of Jesus’ death, the contrast of mood was striking. I wish you could have stood in my place and seen all the grinning, giddy faces smiling back.  The gladness of being together is profound.  Our emotions are close to the surface.  In the midst of it all, we are awake to God and to each other in a particular and poignant way.  We will cry and we will laugh, and God will keep meeting us with new life right where we are, ready to receive resurrection. 

Christ has risen (He has risen indeed!) 
 
Amen.

Tuesday, April 21, 2020

Settling our souls in

Daily Devotion - April 21

I will send a brief message each day (except Mondays)
while we are pausing gathering in person.
- Kara


The other night, we (my daughter) realized (complained) that even though we are all four stuck here in the same house together, other than dinner, we are not really ever all together.  (The curse of four introverts stuck at home!)  After a Sunday afternoon spent playing a verbal Apples to Apples game across the fence with the neighbor kids, and watching their family (all four extroverts) play badminton and hang out picnicking in their yard, my daughter requested that we play together more.

For our family, (unlike the neighbors), home is where we get time and space alone.  Out there is where we connect - with friends, work, etc, but also, it turns out, with each other.  At home, various combinations of us hang out, work on a project, go for a walk, have a conversation... But all of us together? Dinner.

This works fine if we can go places and do things, and - especially central and valuable to our family - travel together.  That's how we feed the needs for play and fun and connection together.  But right now we can't go places and do things; we can only stay home.  So...what? We don't hang out at all?
My 12 year old beat me to this understanding of our family dynamics, and found her way all the way to a request while it was all still dawning on me.

During this pandemic, realizations seem to drop like a brick on the chest, and in that moment it occurred to me that I have been treating this as temporary. 
Just get through today. Just get through this week. 

Even though I know we don't know when it will end or what will come after, I keep forgetting that we don't know when it will end or what will come after.  And, like the school secretary's colorful poster said, "Life is what happens while you're waiting for life to happen."

So, how can we claim and truly live the life we are in, even when it's not a life we would, or do, choose?  (And how do we do that when it actually is not permanent, or even sustainable??) How do we let ourselves relax into something we resent?
How do we adjust to this and not just endure it?

Other than some routines, chores and walks that are helping us endure this life, we haven't really adjusted.  We haven't settled our souls into this life. I have't. I have been holding back, biding time, waiting for the good to resume.  But that's no way to live the only life we really get - this one we have today.

Adjusting is accepting.  Even typing that sentence feels hard. I don't want to accept that the trips and plans we've been looking forward to all year are gone. I don't want to accept that summer might be a wasteland of emptiness (or some other, less dire way of saying that which I will come to after more acceptance).  But I want to live as fully and joyfully present as possible in the actual life that is happening right now.
I've decided to adjust.

Tonight is the kick-off of our coronavirus quarantine twice weekly "Family Fun Night."
Each Family Fun Night will have an Entertainment Director (tonight: me). The activity will be a surprise. Ok, I'll tell you: Tonight I plan to give everyone 60 seconds to select an object in the house, and then we'll film commercials for the items featuring how they can be uniquely useful during Quarantine.

Here's hoping it meets our needs for fun, play and connection.



How are you living in your life right now?
What realizations have hit you during in this?
What have you had to adjust to?
How have you resisted adjusting?  

How has adjusting or accepting freed you?


CONNECTING RITUAL:

When I was four years old, standing with my dad in the church narthex, a man came over and showed my dad his one year sobriety chip.  When he walked away my dad explained to me what the chip meant, and then he taught me the Serenity Prayer.  I was charmed. I had never heard of a pre-written prayer before.  And I found the prayer itself very clever and insightful. I recited it to myself all the way home until I had it memorized.

The Serenity Prayer was written in 1932 by theologian Reinhold Niebuhr, and adopted by Alcoholics Anonymous in 1941. It goes:

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.


Perhaps, tonight before we go to bed, whatever time that is in each of our homes, we might pray in this way, and so join our hearts:

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
like...

grant me the courage to change the things I can,
like...

and grant me the wisdom to know the difference.
Amen.

Wednesday, March 25, 2020

Blessed are those who Mourn

Daily Devotion - March 25

I will try to send a brief message to my congregation each day (except Mondays) while we are pausing gathering in person.
- Kara

This morning I awoke to a message from a friend, about her 14 year old. "He won’t do school work. Won’t leave his room. Won’t shower. Won’t take a walk because what’s the point. I don’t know what to do. And I don’t have anything to motivate him. Or anything to take away when he won’t do schoolwork. This sucks."

I knew what she was talking about.  This was my daughter, briefly the other day. I laid her in front of an episode of Nova and we counted that as school.  It was me briefly, (a different day, thankfully than her) and I closed the door and watched 6 straight episodes of "Good Girls."  But today I had some perspective.
Her son is meeting a need.

In NVC, we talk about how needs are qualities that contribute to the flourishing of life, shared by all human beings.  One of those is the need to mourn.

The life we were in, the plans we had made, the future we were shaping, the rhythms we enjoyed or endured, they're gone. It's all paused, halted, with no end in sight to the strangeness.
Grieving is a shared human need.

My friend's son reminded me of a widower, In a kind of shock and loss. Shuffling around in a bathrobe. Not wanting to eat or get dressed. Not able to engage in life, or see what's worth living for.  Those were the actual words from my own 12 year old daughter who is usually vibrant with life, "There's nothing to live for." That is the sound of grief.
And mourning is a need that can be met.

I answered her,
He needs to grieve.
Maybe give him some really concrete way to grieve. What he’s doing is what people do when a loved one dies. Tell him to dress in black. Tell him mourning is an important way to pray, to grieve for the things that are lost- for him and for the whole world.

Give him a time frame, make it his job instead of schoolwork. "You  seem to have a calling right now to grieve. This is your job till Friday. Like monks who pray for the world on behalf of all of us. Cry if you can. Write about how bad this feels. Pray for those who are sick. Tell God. And when you’re finished you will know." So maybe not a time frame.  He will be done when the need is met."


Then a few minutes later, I added,
But maybe also say,  You have to shower and get dressed to show up to your job of mourning. (!)

Feelings & Needs
This pulled-out-of-our-lives time is a good time to pay attention to our feelings and needs.

Feelings are indicators of needs that are met or unmet.  There are not "good" feelings and "bad" feelings - they're merely signs, to show us what's going on in us.

We have a pretty limited vocabulary around feelings: happy, sad, angry, tired... but there are so many feeling words available to us.  There is satisfaction and relief in being able to name what we are really feeling.

These feeling words help us get at what our needs are, so that we can name them, and even find new strategies in this time to meet them.

FOR ADULTS -
Here is a feelings list (2 pages) and a needs list. I encourage you to print them out and refer to them throughout the day, especially when you feel stuck, or are having a strong emotion you can't identify (or someone else in your house is).
  • What am I feeling? What am I needing? 
  • What are they feeling? What might they be needing?
There is also an App - called "iGrok" that has the feelings and needs on your phone. (I use it frequently).

(You can watch clips of Marshall Rosenberg doing, or teaching, NVC here).

FOR KIDS & PARENTS -
We have mailed each family a set of kids Grok cards- which are feelings and needs.
They come with a booklet of games. Play some games together to get familiar with the cards and comfortable using the words.

Then - and I say this from experience - they come in really handy when someone is having a meltdown, or a shutdown, to take some guesses at feelings and needs.  Lay out cards, take guesses - Are you feeling frustrated? Annoyed?  Angry? Are you needing space?  Choice?  To see and be seen? 
And let the child - or adult! - say yes and no to different cards until they can identify and own the feelings and need.

It feels so good when you can get to the need and have it acknowledged and valued.

And if your need today is to mourn, embrace it.
Don't try to make yourself cheer up or feel something different.
Meet the need.

Here's the promise: When it is met, it will subside, and another need will arise, like gratitude, play, connection, or rest.
You can trust that this is true.

(FYI - Andy's Podcast: New Time Religion, has an episode about the virus called, "The Virus took our Future." You can listen here).

CONNECTING RITUAL:


Perhaps tonight before bed, whatever time that is in each of our homes, we might all receive this blessing, and so join our souls:

THE LORD’S PRAYER - NEW ZEALAND PRAYER BOOK

Eternal Spirit
Earth-Maker, Pain-bearer, Life-giver,
source of all that is and that shall be,
Father and Mother of us all,
Loving God, in whom is heaven.

The hallowing of your name echoes through
the universe!

The way of your justice be followed
by the peoples of the earth!

Your heavenly will be done by all created beings!

Your commonwealth of peace and freedom
sustain our hope and come on earth.

With the bread we need for today, feed us.

In the hurts we absorb from one another, forgive us.

In times of temptation and test, spare us.

From the grip of all that is evil, free us.

For you reign in the glory of the power that is love,
now and forever.

Amen.

Saturday, November 12, 2016

Come, you weary ones...



"Come to me all you who are weary
and are carrying heavy burdens,
and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me,
for I am gentle and humble in heart,
and you will find rest for your souls.
For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Matthew 11:28-30

Being a congregation that practices Sabbath means when Jesus says Come to me, we answer, Yes. OK. We will come.  We will lay down our burdens and our pride; we will admit our weariness, and we will welcome your rest. We won’t wait until we are sick or dying or out of our mind. We wont let rest become a last resort, a contingency plan, a life-saving measure. We will come now. We will begin here. Yours is the way and work we choose.
 

Tonight, we at LNPC shared some reminders with each other:

1. Worry is practicing fear. 
Worry trains us to fear by saying over and over again, “What if… what if… what if…”
Rest is practicing trust. 
Rest trains us to trust by saying over and over again, “Even if… Even if… Even if…”

2. Rest is where our life begins from. The Jewish day begins at sundown.
Rest is not a reward for hard work or something you do when you can’t push yourself a second longer. It comes first.
We begin in trust.
We begin the waking day already having experienced these truth that infants already know:
My needs will be met.
I can sleep when I am tired.
I can eat when I am hungry.
I can trust.
I can close my eyes without fear.
I am held.
I belong to these people. They belong to me.
The world is filled with beauty and wonder and love.

And when we wake, all our work and efforts and living flows from this place.

3. Rest is not an end; it is a beginning.
Rest is not laziness, on the contrary, it motivates action.  It gets you in touch with what you need - crying, laughter, sleep, a friend, and it gets you in touch with the world: stop and see.
And then rest restores you and fills you so that you can go out and act from a grounded place, with right focus and perspective, creative, imaginative, alive and awake.
It reminds you whose you are and who you are, and guides you in the world.

4. The Bible often uses “the rest of God” as a synonym for “salvation.”
Rest is what being saved feels like.  Rest is being saved. 
What are you weary of? 
What burdens are you carrying?
What do you need saving from?


5. The way of God is the way of rest
Taking Jesus’ yoke means joining Jesus, and carrying what he carries into the world: the embodiment of complete belonging to God and belonging to others.
It is a restful, easy way, because it is the way we are designed to live:
Where "the other" is not threat, object or burden, but my sister, brother, friend.
Where there is enough and it is meant to be shared.
Where love has the first and final word.
Where the end it is all heading toward is wholeness and connection.
Whether we forget or not, God's redemption and love is already and always happening.
We trust this. We live always into, out of, and toward, this reality.

6. We've been practicing for this.
Jesus is God with us. With us in joy and with us in suffering.
With us in sin: when the division and the dehumanization we experience and inflict on ourselves and thrust on each other, are front and center.
Our God, who took on death so that all could have life,
is with us now,
still taking on death so all can have life.

We meet Jesus Christ, who is with us and for us, when we are with and for each other.
Around us are people hurting, people afraid,
people feeling lost and confused, or angry and overlooked.
Some people are feeling their very lives at risk.
The opportunities to be with and for each other are everyday apparent: moments for kindness, human connection, seeing and hearing each other, standing with each other, offering support, breaking down barriers, reaching past comfort zones, sharing gratitude, offering blessings... they are close to the surface right now. Seize them.

7. Letting go of illusions is part of salvation.
Right now we can see how easy it is to put our security in things other than God.
Not just in all the usual things we think of providing security, or even in things like wise leaders or common sense, but in the good faith of human beings. In some idea of basic kindness, in some trust that what we think should be will be.
It’s is easy to think everything will be all right when we feel alright.
And when we don't feel alright, when those things that felt foundational get taken away, it’s easy to feel like nothing can be trusted.

But God is with us in all of that too.  In fact, God is thrilled to welcome us into disillusionment, where we are made real, and honest, and repentant, and ready.

And the call to see and hear each other, to stand alongside each other,
to embody the love we know is the source, core, and destination of it all,
that call doesn’t change – that call is still, always and already our call.  That work is already and always now.

8. Rest until you trust.
That work is already and always now...
But not from weary people,
strapped to a yoke of fear.
Not from heavy burdened people,
dragging a load of division and disgust,
sorrow or suspicion,
vengeance or insulated apathy.

Remember what we said: 
When things feel most urgent, most pressing, most despairing, this is not the time to panic, talk faster, run harder. Strive further.
On the contrary, this is the time to stop.
To be still.  To rest.
To “reorient your being to the one who loves us.”  This is what Sabbath is for.

9. We are being set free.
God’s way is not our way.
All true transformation comes through weakness, futility and impossibility.
Let the brokenness be revealed that it might be healed.
Lest we forget, we don’t have a triumph and might faith, we have a death and resurrection faith.
This God always acts from despair to bring hope. From brokenness to bring wholeness. From impossibility to bring newness.
It’s our job to remind each other of that.

10. So, rest. Now. It's ok. 
Get outside. Breathe the air. Go near water. Take a nap.  Curl up with music. Cuddle your dog. Put down the phone. Turn off the computer and the TV.  Soak in a tub. Look into someone else's eyes for 60 seconds without looking away.  Look up at the sky.  Look inside. Breathe.

Jesus says, "Come to me..."
Enter into the rest of God.
The salvation of God is always, already at work here.

“Are you tired?
Worn out?
Weighed down by heaviness?
Come to me.
Get away with me and you will recover your life.
I will show you how to take a real rest.
Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it.
Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.
I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you.
Keep company with me and you will learn to live freely and lightly.”

(Mt. 11:28-30 adapted from The Message)

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