At the same time

Daily Devotion - May 22

I will send a brief message each day (except Mondays) 

while we are pausing gathering in person.
- Kara

They just announced that the Minnesota State Fair is canceled.

This is terrible news.

It would be more terrible if they announced they were going forward. 

So here's the great dilemma (and gift!) of this strange time: we keep getting reminded again and again that something can be more than one thing at the same time.  That the State Fair is canceled is both sad, and also the right decision; I am both disappointed and glad.  Watching graduates wave in cap and gown on their front lawn is both wonderful and heart-breaking.  Online worship is both deeply meaningful, and bittersweet.  Honking at someone for their birthday is not enough, and also more than we did last year.  Taking a walk meets a need to get out and also stimulates a greater longing to get out.  We are feeling both satisfied and unsatisfied at the same time.

I find myself saying more often these days, "I don't know how to feel."  But that's not really true, and presents a false dilemma. I do know how to feel - I am already feeling it. I don't need to decide what the appropriate feeling is for a situation, I simply need to let the feelings that arise be recognized.

Our feelings are rarely simple or clear-cut. Life is messy, and not always easy to categorize.  In less fraught times, we can give in more easily to our temptation to divide things either/or, to call something win/lose, good/bad, happy/sad.  Right now life is resisting our simplistic assessments.  We're having so many experiences that are bad and good, sad and happy, losses and wins, at the same time.

These circumstances demand honoring, and all the feelings get to show up - even if they come together.  And truthfully, most often, in the deepest and most important moments, lots of feelings come together. Joy shows up unexpected in the midst of loss, laughter right along with tears.  A celebration brings up a flash of mourning for ones who can't be there. Memories, hopes, expectations - they all factor in to our experiences. We are complex creatures, and we can handle - we are made to handle - all these feelings.  Feelings are indicators of needs met and unmet - they open us up to love deeper, to see wider, to stand stronger, to receive life with gratitude.

So, it's ok to cry about the loss of the Great Minnesota Get Together this year.  Our sorrow shows our love - this treasured Minnesota tradition matters so much to so many of us because we care about each other. And because we care about each other, and this matters so much to us, we are staying away from each other to keep each other safe.  That is sad, and terrible, and deeply beautiful, all at the same time.

CONNECTING RITUAL:

Perhaps tonight before bed, whatever time that is in each of our homes, we and so join our souls with each other and the people of the whole earth:

God with us,

be with me now.

In all the feelings of this day, like...

Help me see what the feelings point to.

What love do they lift up?

What longings do they reveal?

What connections do they celebrate?

What hope do they point to?

God with me now,

be with us.

In all the feelings of tomorrow,

and all the experiences to come,

help me stay present,

to my feelings and what they want to show me

about this life I am in,

that you are in with me.

Amen.

Beneath the Chaos (Go Slower, Do Less)

Daily Devotion - April 1

I will send a brief message each day while we are pausing gathering in person.
- Kara

VanGogh, Noon - Rest from Work

Today was a day that began for me in order and peace. I felt really grounded, and gratitude felt easy and close at hand. I was even able to stop and let it in: I felt grateful for the gratitude, thankful to feel thankful.  Those moments feel expansive and it's hard to imagine them ending.

Then I packed the day a little bit too full, other people didn't behave quite like I wanted them to, a few small things piled up, and nothing big really happened to steal my joy, it was simply that gradually my elevated mood devolved into fatigue and irritability.

Is this something you've encountered lately?
Have the moods been shifting quickly in your home?

Here's what I am doing with it: I'm practicing gentleness with myself. Grace. And I'm practicing welcoming my weaknesses without such harsh judgment. I prefer to be the one who keeps it all together. But nobody does that, and nobody should have to.  So I am letting in the unpleasant emotions, and letting myself feel them.  And I am trying to watch my mood roller coaster with tenderness for my humanity.

And if I am tired, I am not going to push through. I'm going to go toward rest.  

I said something to my spiritual director today that I didn't really realize until I said it aloud, and I am now repeating it to help myself believe it: Everything takes more energy. Everything. It's ok to go slower and do less.

In that spirit, here's a beautiful blessing from Jan Richardson:

Blessing in the Chaos To all that is chaotic in you, let there come silence. Let there be a calming of the clamoring, a stilling of the voices that have laid their claim on you, that have made their home in you, that go with you even to the holy places but will not let you rest, will not let you hear your life with wholeness or feel the grace that fashioned you. Let what distracts you cease. Let what divides you cease. Let there come an end to what diminishes and demeans, and let depart all that keeps you in its cage. Let there be an opening into the quiet that lies beneath the chaos, where you find the peace you did not think possible and see what shimmers within the storm. - Jan Richardson from The Cure for Sorrow: A Book of Blessings for Times of Grief

CONNECTING RITUAL:

This week, we are reading through the Gospel of John.  In my house, it is at the dinner table. Maybe for you, it will be when you wake up, or before bed, or over lunch.  It can be read in about 20 minutes a day, or by reading three chapters each day.  If this is your approach, today, we are reading Chapters 10-12.

Perhaps tonight before we go to bed, whatever time that is in each of our homes, we might recite this Psalm together, and so join our hearts:

Psalm 23

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.
   He makes me lie down in green pastures;
he leads me beside still waters;
   he restores my soul.
He leads me in right paths
   for his name’s sake.

Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
   I fear no evil;
for you are with me;
   your rod and your staff—
   they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
   in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
   my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
   all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord
   forever.

Amen.