At the same time

Daily Devotion - May 22

I will send a brief message each day (except Mondays) 

while we are pausing gathering in person.
- Kara

They just announced that the Minnesota State Fair is canceled.

This is terrible news.

It would be more terrible if they announced they were going forward. 

So here's the great dilemma (and gift!) of this strange time: we keep getting reminded again and again that something can be more than one thing at the same time.  That the State Fair is canceled is both sad, and also the right decision; I am both disappointed and glad.  Watching graduates wave in cap and gown on their front lawn is both wonderful and heart-breaking.  Online worship is both deeply meaningful, and bittersweet.  Honking at someone for their birthday is not enough, and also more than we did last year.  Taking a walk meets a need to get out and also stimulates a greater longing to get out.  We are feeling both satisfied and unsatisfied at the same time.

I find myself saying more often these days, "I don't know how to feel."  But that's not really true, and presents a false dilemma. I do know how to feel - I am already feeling it. I don't need to decide what the appropriate feeling is for a situation, I simply need to let the feelings that arise be recognized.

Our feelings are rarely simple or clear-cut. Life is messy, and not always easy to categorize.  In less fraught times, we can give in more easily to our temptation to divide things either/or, to call something win/lose, good/bad, happy/sad.  Right now life is resisting our simplistic assessments.  We're having so many experiences that are bad and good, sad and happy, losses and wins, at the same time.

These circumstances demand honoring, and all the feelings get to show up - even if they come together.  And truthfully, most often, in the deepest and most important moments, lots of feelings come together. Joy shows up unexpected in the midst of loss, laughter right along with tears.  A celebration brings up a flash of mourning for ones who can't be there. Memories, hopes, expectations - they all factor in to our experiences. We are complex creatures, and we can handle - we are made to handle - all these feelings.  Feelings are indicators of needs met and unmet - they open us up to love deeper, to see wider, to stand stronger, to receive life with gratitude.

So, it's ok to cry about the loss of the Great Minnesota Get Together this year.  Our sorrow shows our love - this treasured Minnesota tradition matters so much to so many of us because we care about each other. And because we care about each other, and this matters so much to us, we are staying away from each other to keep each other safe.  That is sad, and terrible, and deeply beautiful, all at the same time.

CONNECTING RITUAL:

Perhaps tonight before bed, whatever time that is in each of our homes, we and so join our souls with each other and the people of the whole earth:

God with us,

be with me now.

In all the feelings of this day, like...

Help me see what the feelings point to.

What love do they lift up?

What longings do they reveal?

What connections do they celebrate?

What hope do they point to?

God with me now,

be with us.

In all the feelings of tomorrow,

and all the experiences to come,

help me stay present,

to my feelings and what they want to show me

about this life I am in,

that you are in with me.

Amen.