Sunday, November 1, 2009

The Storyteller


November 1, 2009
Ruth 1:1-18  - the beginning of the story (though the whole of it is what we used in worship!)



"The storyteller" image by Tereza - of Cooper City, FL, www.tsartgallery.com

Once upon a time there was a most remarkable storyteller.  Singular, unequaled in creativity and prose, master of subtlety and surprise.  This storyteller was unparalleled at the craft, weaving such intricate and complex symphonies of plot and drama, centering on the lives of characters so full and profound that even the most skilled tellers of tales in the land could only strive to emulate this storyteller. 

In fact, so inspired were the stories, that every other author who wrote, or poet who spoke out in verse, every composer who wove a myth in music or artist who sought with any medium at all to in some way bring a fresh story into the world, inevitably plagiarized; so deep, original, and imaginative were the works from this one prolific storyteller.

But this storyteller was mysterious.  In fact, the storyteller’s identity was shrouded in vagueness, and few and far between were those who had ever claimed to see a face up close, or hear a voice with their own ears.  People knew people who knew people who had talked to people who had caught a glimpse of this author leaving a grocery store, or thought they had driven past the writer’s house, though no one was quite sure exactly where it was, or even generally where it might be, if the truth be told.  So for the most part, the only glimpse of who this magnificent, unsurpassable weaver of tales was as a person was what people could glean from the stories themselves.

The stories were analyzed and studied, both for their power as narratives, but also for any clues of the storyteller’s identity, glimpses into the soul of this great crafter of lives and plots.
The most notable thing about these stories, those who scrutinized them would point out, were the common threads throughout all the stories.  Every story included pain and tragedy, every story bled real, messy life, but every story was saturated with redemption.  Hope shone out in intricate and always surprising ways. 
And every story brought about its salvation through the most unlikely of characters.  The heroes were never the strong, brave and handsome, the winsome and wonderful.  They were always the overlooked, underrated, flawed and forgotten.  They were the weak and the strange, the inadequate and illogical. 

In fact, it was a favorite tactic of this storyteller to tell stories within stories, to surprise the characters themselves by their role in the stories, not knowing what was unfolding in and around them until they looked back - or not ever knowing in their own lifetime, and their children or grandchildren looking back - and discovering that the hero was right there next to them the whole time.  That redemption had unfolded right under their noses, in their own hands, in fact, without their being aware they were playing such a pivotal role. 

The protagonists often hadn’t a clue that the story was their own, and then once they realized it was, discovered almost immediately afterwards that it wasn’t at all their story – that it was much larger than them and may have unfolded entirely without them, except that it hinged completely on their very selves, and nobody else, occupying that particular role.  This was one of the storyteller’s trademarks.

Over time, the more astute students of this writer’s work began to discover that the stories – while in and of themselves each beyond measure - fit together like a puzzle, that one story shed light into another, opened it up - made it more complete, actually, and most extraordinary of all, that every story belonged beside the other stories because they were actually just tiny chapters in a single much larger Story -with a capital S-  that this writer was creating. 
And one day when the whole corpus of this writer’s work would be complete, the story would be epic – comedy, tragedy, adventure and romance, fanciful and heart wrenchingly beautiful – and nothing would remain unresolved.  It was building to the most satisfying and complete conclusion never before conceived of. 

Also, they began to discern, the Story was highly autobiographical.  Hidden within every element of every story that made up every part of this larger story were revelations of its creator: the fingerprints, and breath and body and warmth, the glances and expressions and intonations and nuances, the tones and shades of the storyteller were next to each character, behind each situation, underneath every word. 
The stories, the Story, was utterly about the storyteller.

But the final shock of all, the greatest revelation came to the truly attentive readers, the unsuspecting ones who sat down with the story and opened their souls to it, who met the story face to face, heart to heart, who let it tell itself to them and wept and laughed along with the antiheros.  Those readers who saw as they met each character what the characters themselves could not see, or could only see after time – that they were in this greater Story.  That their choices and words, their tragedies and triumphs were not only their own stories but became the very substance from which the larger Story took form, without which the larger story could not be. 
These particular readers would celebrate the characters, and marvel at the genius of the author, and be moved beyond measure at the power of the story itself.  Then they would close the book and put it down, intending to stand and stretch and move onto other business, but instead would be suddenly glued to their seats, heart skipping a beat, unable to move for the astonishing realization that washed over and engulfed them, the bewildering insight that
actually, their very own lives were part of the Story. And the Story was real.

*****
Ruth’s life had come to a sudden halt.  The road branched out before her. On the one hand was the right way, the safe way, the way that everyone would affirm, the logical way.  Go back to your own home; go back to your people. Go back to your gods.  You’ve had a setback. But you’re young.  Start over.
And no one, not even God, would fault her for taking that way. 

That way would have made her more secure; that way would have made her less afraid. That way was the way most of us take most of the time, and probably Ruth too. 
And if she had taken that way, there would have been nothing wrong with that, and also you and I would probably never know of her story.  It would have been a fine story, but it would have faded into history with every other story of tragedy and survival, every other human story of life and love and loss, that only in the very end reveals its role in the larger story, its part of the mosaic of human history. 
But instead, the story of this woman, this foreigner with nothing to give and no future in front of her, became the story of the people of Israel, the story of King David, the story of Jesus Christ.  Ruth is part of this much greater Story, with no idea that she would play a role in anything beyond her own seemingly insignificant life, which she basically set aside for the seemingly insignificant life of someone she loved.

What could she do for Naomi, really? She had nothing to give, she was not a man, she had no standing or property or means of support – nothing.  She could do absolutely nothing for Naomi but be with her, share her position, her journey, her currently miserable lot in life.
“Where you go I will go, your people shall be my people, your God shall be my God, and when you die they will bury me beside you. I will give up my own security and future to accompany you, come what may.”

Ruth has a choice and she chooses the unknown. She takes the risk, with no foreseeable way it will work out, and stands by the person she loves.  At the threshold of security or chance, self-preservation or sacrificing the possibility of being saved, she stands by Naomi, she chooses to go into the unknown, into the fearful place, alongside her friend and mother-in-law. 

Once upon a time, and on the one hand, there were three women, who suffered a great tragedy, and lost all of the men in their lives.  They were left unprotected and vulnerable, with no discernable future before them.  One went back to her people and started her story over.  One was the right people in the wrong place, at the wrong time-  in a foreign land and much too old to start fresh.  The last one was the wrong people altogether.  She shouldn’t even factor into the story at all.
And on the other hand, in the bigger Story, there was the lifeline of humanity unfurling, the salvation of a people, or rather, of all people; the lineage of the Messiah to unfold.

So let me ask you this: From whose bloodline would the Storyteller enter the Story itself?

Well if you know anything about this storyteller, I mean, if you have read any of the works, you would recognize immediately it has all the classic marks – you would see right away the kind of story this is – and where this particular tale might lead.

Ruth’s story is ugly and beautiful, frustrating and hope-filled, terribly tragic and marvelously redemptive. Her story is both remarkable and also not at all unlike the stories sitting next to and around you right now, the living comedies, tragedies, fear and hope, suffering and redemption: in all their glorious and unimportant flesh and blood. 
Ruth’s story is both completely unique, and at the same time not so different from the stories unfolding in the lives of those ordinary and extraordinary individuals that happen to be gathered together in this room at this moment. 

I wonder what stories are playing out as we speak?
 I wonder what parts we are each occupying in the Story?
Aaah…but of course I would wonder that. 
That, after all, is the genius of the Storyteller,
who has a real knack for just this sort of tale.


[1] We read the story of Ruth, by Michael Williams from The Storyteller’s Companion the Bible, Volume 4.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

This thing we're part of

This thing we’re part of
(Job 28:1-7, Psalm 98) Mark 10:32-45
Rev. Kara K Root
Lake Nokomis Presbyterian Church
Sunday, October 18, 2009


Job 38:1-7
Then the Lord answered Job out of the whirlwind: 
‘Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge? 
Gird up your loins like a man,
   I will question you, and you shall declare to me. 
‘Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?
   Tell me, if you have understanding. 
Who determined its measurements—surely you know!
   Or who stretched the line upon it? 
On what were its bases sunk,
   or who laid its cornerstone 
when the morning stars sang together
   and all the heavenly beings shouted for joy?
Psalm 98
Sing to the Lord a new song
for he has done marvelous things.
The right hand and holy arm of the Lord
have secured the victory.
The Lord has made known this victory
and has revealed his vindication in the sight of the nations.
He has remembered his steadfast love and faithfulness to the house of Israel,
and all the ends of the earth have seen the victory of our God.
Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth;
Break forth into joyous son and sing praises!
Sing to the Lord with the harp,
with the harp and the voice of song.
With trumpets and the sound of the horn
shout with joy before the King, the Lord,
 Let the sea roar and all that fills it,
the world and those who live in it.
Let the floods clap their hands,
and let the hills sing together for joy at the presence of the Lord,
for he is coming to judge the earth.
He will judge the world with righteousness,
and the peoples with equity.

Mark 10:32-45
32 They were on the road, going up to Jerusalem, and Jesus was walking ahead of them; they were amazed, and those who followed were afraid. He took the twelve aside again and began to tell them what was to happen to him, 33saying, ‘See, we are going up to Jerusalem, and the Son of Man will be handed over to the chief priests and the scribes, and they will condemn him to death; then they will hand him over to the Gentiles; 34they will mock him, and spit upon him, and flog him, and kill him; and after three days he will rise again.’
35 James and John, the sons of Zebedee, came forward to him and said to him, ‘Teacher, we want you to do for us whatever we ask of you.’ 36And he said to them, ‘What is it you want me to do for you?’ 37And they said to him, ‘Grant us to sit, one at your right hand and one at your left, in your glory.’ 38But Jesus said to them, ‘You do not know what you are asking. Are you able to drink the cup that I drink, or be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with?’ 39They replied, ‘We are able.’ Then Jesus said to them, ‘The cup that I drink you will drink; and with the baptism with which I am baptized, you will be baptized; 40but to sit at my right hand or at my left is not mine to grant, but it is for those for whom it has been prepared.’
41 When the ten heard this, they began to be angry with James and John. 42So Jesus called them and said to them, ‘You know that among the Gentiles those whom they recognize as their rulers lord it over them, and their great ones are tyrants over them. 43But it is not so among you; but whoever wishes to become great among you must be your servant, 44and whoever wishes to be first among you must be slave of all. 45For the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life a ransom for many.’


What is this thing we’re a part of?
James and John, even after just hearing Jesus explain for a third time, that he will suffer and die, still don’t know what this thing is.  They still hear power, authority, status and importance. So they sidle up to Jesus and ask him to grant them a favor, a special request. And then they ask to be his cabinet, his diplomats, his go-to guys when he gets the glory that is coming to him.

In the past few weeks we’ve already seen Peter come face to face with the reality that we do not get the God we want, we get a God who joins and suffers alongside and for us instead of a God who triumphs over and conquers on our behalf.
And we’ve seen Jesus say, quite explicitly, that the diplomat God chooses to represent God is the weakest, the most ignored, the most overlooked ones of all as he places a child before them and says to welcome God they must welcome her.  

And now three times, Jesus has said that he will die at the hands of others; three times they’ve missed it and started up again with their talk of glory and power, and three times, Jesus has reminded them that he is coming from an upside down, inside out, last are first, least are greatest, backwards kind of kingdom.

“Make us your back up,” they whisper to him, glancing over their shoulders to see if the others are listening, “put us in power with you. Let us share your authority.“ And Jesus says to them, “you do not know what you are asking.”
Why don’t they get it? Why don’t we?

Perhaps it isn’t that they are quite so stupid that they keep missing it, even when he is being rather straightforward, speaking very plainly and openly about what is coming, and maybe they are not so calloused that they don’t hear him repeating this terrible and painful prediction of his suffering and death. 
Perhaps they don’t listen to it because they are afraid.

Everyone knows how the world works, the wealthy are in charge and the strong advance and the way you make sure you are safe is to have security, back up, to make nice with the right people and have a nest egg and health insurance and homeowners insurance and fire and flood insurance and car insurance and pre-nups and contracts and investments and more insurance, so that when all is said and done you’ll be ok - so that no matter what, you’ll be ok.  And then he keeps on talking about being killed.  And there is no room in our loss prevention plans for a dead God.

But Jesus is patient with them, and he calls them together with all their competitive anger and their fear and their worry about the future, and he paints, once again, the picture of the kingdom of God.   The alternate community, where leaders are servants instead of tyrants, where power is claimed and used not to advance ourselves but to lift up each other instead.

Can you drink this cup that I drink, can you be baptized with the baptism with which I am baptized? He asks.  “Of course we can!” say the fearful, flailing and proud ones, “of course we can, you know we can, Lord.”  Well, Jesus says, you will. You will drink this cup and you will be baptized with my baptism.  You will share my destiny as I have shared yours.

Today is a celebration. Today we welcome into membership of this congregation four new members. Their stories are different, stories of lives already woven deeply into our own, now more fully and finally, stories of past joys and present calling coming together once again in this very faith community, stories of turning a page, a new beginning in an unfolding journey that now involves us.  And it makes us ask, because we are all here for one reason or another or many, What is this thing that we are part of?

Church membership is a changing concept, it used to be that you were born and baptized into a congregation and grew up there, got confirmed, became a member, and after some time you assumed power in the church, a member with all the rights and responsibilities therein, and you made decisions, helped to steer the ship, carried some clout, had a voice, until you didn’t anymore and then when all was said and done, that congregation buried you, and the power passed onto the next generation and the next.  

But rarely do people stay in one place any more, geographically, vocationally, spiritually, people come and go, grow and leave, change and return or are never seen again.  People switch careers and relationships and homes and denominations and doctors and internet providers - and churches just aren’t that important anymore.  And who is in charge of what just isn’t that intriguing any more, and churches gain or lose members as people’s lives ebb and flow and they aren’t playing the game like they used to.
And it forces us to confront the ways our communities of faith may have, like James and John, mirrored the systems and powers of the world, how maybe we have made churches the places we use power to make ourselves feel safe, instead of living into the backwards and upside down kingdom of servant God. 

It forces us to grapple with the fact that we are here, for one another, for a season, some longer than others for whatever reason, and that being with one another as followers of Jesus doesn’t make us any safer or stronger or more secure or less afraid.  But it can make us more real, more honest, more willing to share our fears and listen to the fears of others.
Being here, with and for each other, as Jesus Christ was and is, with and for us, means we suffer with each other, and we suffer each other.  It means we use our power to lift each other up instead of competing, we give away control instead of stockpiling it, we share ourselves and our gifts with one another and risk letting ourselves be known.  
It means we live out and proclaim an alternate reality, we come together as citizens of another kingdom, a kingdom that pictures life differently and lives into that promise, where life isn’t horded but spent, and where we are free to be guided by love and find strength in our shared weakness.

Being part of this thing means we are expected to bring all of who we are and not check parts of ourselves at the door. None of us is here because we are right or good, but because we are loved, and because love claims us and holds us and changes us, it makes us see one another and this whole world in a different way,
and we choose to live this life of love in the face of a world that cannot comprehend such an upside down reality.  And living this love within the world changes the world as it changes us, so that things cannot remain the same, as the kingdom of God breaks in, and in and in….

Today we celebrate this thing we are part of.  This thing that goes far beyond any individual one of us or the whole of this congregation, this thing that goes beyond the PCUSA and all denominations, beyond our books of order and our doctrine and structures and symbols, past parliaments and policies and presidents, Today we celebrate that we are part of this thing that is bigger than cities and nations and coalitions, embargos and wars and truces, in fact it stretches farther back than all the history that came before us and reaches out beyond all the future that lays yet untouched in front of us, it goes beyond seas and skies, famines and floods, cyclones and shifting tectonic plates, underneath and around every molecule, mountain and mystery.  Every living thing that has ever walked on, or grown in, the earth witnesses to this thing we celebrate today, this thing we are a part of:

That the God who stretched the heavens out and laid the earth on its foundations,
came and joined us fully, loves us each one, and calls us, each one, as we are, to be part of an alternate way of living, citizens of a different reality.  We celebrate today that we have been baptized into the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, with all the rights and responsibilities therein, and that for this season, for this time and place, God has brought together this rag tag collection of people, this clumsy and astonishing bunch of us, to share in this alternate reality with each other, to figure out together this thing we are part of, and in all of our power and weakness, to witness to the upside down kingdom of God in the world.

Amen.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Confession

I've spent the weekend at Christianity 21, listening to a variety of speakers addressing Christianity in the 21st century.  One speaker who really stood out for me was Seth Donovan, who spoke about Confession.  Her talk has been lingering with me, clinging to my thoughts and experiences - I keep catching a whiff of it in my conversations and inner dialogues.
Last night was our Saturday Sabbath service, and we gathered around the idea of hospitality- hospitality to God, to ourselves and to others.  Hospitality as radical welcoming, opening space within to truly encounter the other.  And when we had spoken and listened, sung, prayed and shared and eaten, we set off into the darkening evening to begin our sacred time. And I dreamt about church as a place confession.
.
Today is our Sunday Day of Rest.  In my house this means it is the Day Mommy Sleeps In.  This is the day that when all who have piled into the bed at 6:45, chatting, cuddling, wrestling and whining - (people and dogs both) drop back onto the floor and tumble pell mell down the stairs to have breakfast, I get to stay behind, warm under the covers, by myself for a whole, uninterrupted hour.
.
I was awakened the second time by the sound of the door opening, and my tussled-hair 5 year old son creeping into the bed once again. "Mommy... Daddy said I can come in and kiss you softly and talk to you quietly."
"Ok", I answered, and made room for him under the covers.
He crawled in and laid his head next to mine on the pillow.
After a minute, he said, "Mommy, I am really nervous about something."
And my Day of Rest began with the hearing of confession.
.
Seth Donovan is not a preacher. She's not a pastor or an author. She is a community activist, and advocate, working with and for victims of human trafficking. She is used to fighting for those who don't have a voice, standing up to people with power and telling them they are wrong, making a stand and speaking out.  She is also gay, and her sexual identity and orientation have shaped the way she can be in the world.  She felt out of place presenting at this conference.  She brought to us the question, "How can the church be a place of confession?" And not being a pastor or preacher, she was able to answer the question from the human and real place of, what do I need for church to be a place of confession for me?
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After eliciting words from the gathered group as to what "confession" meant to people, Seth invited two people to come up so that she could pose their bodies in a stance that represented confession for her.  The first she gently pushed down to her knees, head bowed in contrition.  "I need a place in this world that I can be wrong." she said.  "A place where I can be uncertain, where I can talk about the ways I am complicit in the things that I want to be changed."  Church as a place of confession means it is a place where we get to be wrong, a place we can find release.  She explained that in every other part of life, she was, in many ways and contexts, defending, explaining, posturing.  "I need a space that I can confess, where I am not defending for a minute."
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The second person she posed with one hand on her heart and the other lifted out to the sky and to the world, face upturned in boldness.  "Confession for me is also to confess a faith where I don’t have to couch and frame it for other folks. Church needs to be a place where I can stand and be bold about my faith.  It needs to have structure around it to allow for that."
.
And then she asked, "What does the church need to do for it to be a place for that- a place where we all can confess in both of these aspects?"
.
For the first, Seth said, "The most important thing isn’t whether I am right but whether I’m loved.  If it isn’t this, then I can’t say that I am wrong, and church is just another place I am defending myself.  I need to be reminded that I am child of God. And that the relationship of God to me, and of the church to me is non-negotiable. I need to know that I am loved in order to be able to confess."
.
Then she asked, "What makes me able to enflesh theology and confess my faith? I need the structure." she explained, "There needs to be a space held for us so that we can confess our faith – so that it can be about God, and we bring ourselves and our faith and all of our many identities.  We already compartmentalize ourselves EVERYWHERE else in the world."  She talked about all the identities we have - mine are mother, pastor, wife, friend, teacher, homeowner, etc. We can pick out and maneuver these identities however we need to, we know very well how to use all these identities to be loved in this world.  The Church should be place of 'de-compartmentalized-ness' (my word) – "where all those identities have something to do with my faith and my faith has something to do with my identities…"  The church needs to be a place of wholeness.
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In order to confess, "I need to know that I am loved, and I need to show up as a whole person – that this has everything to do with the rest of my life..."  In order to confess, we need first to know that we are loved and not asked to be right.  Second, we need to be able, and expected to come as a whole person. "The sin would be not showing up completely."
Seth ended by having us shape one another into our image of confession. Then she asked the question, "What would the church of the 21st century look like that embodied a spirit of confession?"
.
My son, face pinched in worry, curled on a pillow next to me, needed to know he was loved in order to confess. He needed to know this was a place he could bring his whole self without the need to be right.  "I am afraid to tell Ms. Noori." He finally whispered, looking into my eyes.  "I ripped a book at school, and I am afraid to tell my teacher."  I listened. And I hugged him and told him we'd work through it, and I would help him talk to her.
And the fear left his eyes, his shoulders relaxed, and I watched the release.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

At Christianity 21...


I am sitting at this phenomenal conference, hearing compelling speakers in a dynamic format - 21 presenters, 21 minutes each, some for 21 straight minutes, some for 7 3 minute pieces and other configurations, on Christianity for the 21st Century.  A muralist is painting as the conversation happens - sweeping deep color over a huge, black canvas, on her hands and knees.  A graphic artist is illustrating, doodling on a screen as people speak.  All around are laptops as people blog, tweet, and share what they are hearing with others beyond this room.  There have been preachers and poets, dialogues and drama - and two poignant conversations between Nadia Boltz-Weber, the tattooed "Sarcastic Lutheran" pastor of "House for All Sinners and Saints", and Phyllis Tickle, author of many spiritual discipline volumes and "The Great Emergence" - two women with remarkably similar humor, energy and wit, sharp and rich packaged very differently.

Here is some of what Lauren Winner had to say yesterday:




“Between the Christianity of this land and the Christianity of Christ there is the widest possible difference.” 19th c, Frederick Douglas
21 ways they will know we are Christians by the end of the century – what they will say about us:
1.     Those Christians are peacemakers
2.     The Christians will come help us  (in times of crisis, need)
3.     Christians rest and
4.     Those Christians let their resting reconfigure their work (it is a privilege to rest) – they work for a world in which all may rest
5.     Those Christians live well in their bodies
6.     Those Christians practice boredom  - out of the cult of novelty, fetish of the new (boredom is not God’s invitation to try something new – invitation to press deeper into the practice)
7.     Those Christians tell the truth – will be able to name the limits of their certainty and knowledge
8.     Those Christians practice silence – (they are willing to just sit in silence with someone who is grieving instead of saying stupid things, they can turn things off and sit with self and God)
9.     Those Christians live in community where all have power (they name power as a good, spiritual virtue and offer power to everyone)
10. With those Christians, women get to do lots of stuff
11. Those Christians go to church with the people they live near
12.  The Christians keep telling God to do things – like heal the sick, feed the hungry, they keep taking demands and pleas to God over and over even when it looks stupid
13. When they think about God, they then think about what needs to change next
14. Those Christians eat fewer strawberries – they tread lightly on the planet
15. Those Christians see themselves as small characters in a bigger story (heroes are at center of stories, we laud heroes' virtues, in contrast, a saint can fail in way a hero can’t ,reveals possibility of forgiveness, just a small character in a story that is always fundamentally about God)
16. Those Christians lament – keep lifting up hearts that are broken
17. Those Christians throw good parties – eschatological, they practice for eternity of worship, reconcile enemies, poor inherit, but also heavenly banquet
18. Those Christians don’t gossip
19. Those Christians know how to practice unity without obliterating difference - that’s because of the Trinity
20. Those Christians do all those great things for the world and yet somehow they understand something about grace
21. The way those Christians describe reality (and teach and practice and celebrate the sacraments of the church) make people’s mouth’s water.


More to come...
(did I mention all the speakers are women?)

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Not Getting the God We Want


                                                                                                Grunwald's Crucifixion


Reflections 
Mark 8:27-38 
from our "Gathering of Reflection & Renewal" 
Saturday, September 12, 2009

He just sat there
drawing in the dirt.

Everybody watched,
and I waited
for him to do the right thing.

Supposedly he was righteous,
holy, good.
But I had heard the rumors,
that couldn’t possibly be true 
Lepers? Beggars? Whores?  Criminals?
They said he allowed his followers
to flaunt the Law,
and offend God with their disrespect.
Terrible rumors.

So here was his chance to show them.
To set them straight.
to do the right thing.

She stood there,
Despicable.  Barely clothed.
Filthy.
Tearstreaked, and shivering.
And he just sat there drawing in the dirt.

The question hung in the air,
 the tension palpable.
Waiting.
For him to do the right thing.

And then he finally stopped drawing.
He stood,
and brushed the dirt off his hands,
and looking at US,
instead of at HER,
he said, 
“The one of you without sin may throw the first stone.”


 There is one among us whom we do not know, host of highest heaven present here below.

I was a bit shocked*
And annoyed
To be honest.

I always thought
that I was one of Simon’s friends,
but obviously wealth was the criterion.
There were four merchant bankers,
five head accountants,
two people who worked in exports,
a professor of business management,
and a handful
of wealthy donor, elite philanthropist types.

But the shock was not that I was excluded.
The shock was who was the guest of honor.

Reputedly he is on the side of ‘the poor’,
a kind of bleeding heart social liberal, I suppose.
Allegedly he is quite critical of financiers,
Though I hardly imagine
he’ll have the first clue about economic growth.

So why this champion of the underdog,
this laizzez faire renegade activist
was there
laughing…
and drinking wine…
and eating venison…
I don’t know.

I know that the world is full of hypocrites,
and some people
will do anything to get votes.
But it isn’t as if there’s an election.

Venison… that’s what they had.
Melanie told me.


 There is one among us whom we do not know, host of highest heaven present here below.
*This one adapted from a piece from Present on Earth, Iona, Wild Goose Publications

He may not have meant to hurt me.
But he cut me to the quick.
It has always been him and me,
in this world together,
bearers of the secret,
keepers of the promise.
Chosen of God.
Even before he knew it.

From the time he jumped in my womb,
 when Elizabeth called me blessed,
I have been blessed.
Terrified, amazed,
overwhelmed and blessed.

There was no child like him.
Though I am sure every mother thinks so.
But it is my job, always was my job,
To protect this promise,
to carry the messiah.

So when the stories started coming back,
the circus atmosphere, the chaos,
pressing crowds and mass healings,
speaking with evil and wielding dark powers,
the obnoxious claims
and arrogance against authority,
the aftermath in neighborhoods
when thousands passed through,
like the locust clouds eating everything in site,
leaving only dust, emptiness, longing,
I had to do something.
I had to say something.

But he wouldn’t see me. 
I called out to him, I begged and pleaded,
And the message passed through the throng,
“Your brothers and mother are outside, waiting to see you!”
And still he did not come out.

And then, it grew quiet, and I thought he was coming.
And my heart softened.
My boy, my love.
child of my soul.
sharer of the promise.

And I heard his voice deep within the house,
carry past shoulders and heads,
and reach me out in the yard,
like a knife to my soul,
“Who are my mother and brothers?
whoever does the will of God is my brother, and sister,
and my mother.”
And he left me outside,
To weep alone.

 There is one among us whom we do not know, host of highest heaven present here below.

It welled up within me
and I could barely keep from blurting it out.
Suddenly my heart filled with pressure
and all at once I KNEW,
I just KNEW. 
He is the one.
He is the one we’ve been waiting for.
He is our salvation, our hope, our answer.
He is it.
So I said it. 
And I knew I was saying something truer
than any truth that had ever been spoken.
So much so that ever fiber of my being
 wanted to shout it out,
To laugh and cry and scream it
into the world,
but instead I just said it,
“You are the Messiah.”
It was the greatest moment in my life.

Followed by the worst.
I’ll die. He said.
I will suffer,
I will be killed as a criminal.
Die, killed, suffer,
Pain, humiliation, death,
defeat, dead….

What?

So I stopped him.
I pulled him aside.
I tried to talk some sense into him.
I needed him to be all right.
To make it all right.

Jesus, no.
Stop it!
Stop saying such things!
You are our hope!
You are the answer!
Stop this!

But he shushed me.
Like a child.
And then like an enemy.
Get away from me, you adversary!
He yelled.

And knocked the wind out of me.
  

Thursday, September 10, 2009

awe and wonder

These are poignant days.
He is moving away from me, his own tiny self out into the world. Pride and grief, worry and thrill all churning inside as I look down at his peaceful face, pressed into the pillow, limbs curled in and hair smashed up on end.
His life is less and less about me, as my own is hardly about my parents at all.  These are his days, his struggles and triumphs, his thoughts and experiences, his memories and meaning.
This is now his story.
It is no longer the story of me and my baby, me as a mom. Sure, that's still part of my own story, but now there is another story out there, a new story, a different story than has ever been.  And I get to be an accessory in this new story, a supporting cast member.  I get to watch it unfold and marvel as he becomes.
Who ever knew this would be so hard and so wonderful?

He Was Brave Today.
Afraid and excited and brave in the way brave is really brave - feeling scared and doing it anyway. He was strong and honest and real.  My boy.

Look out world. Here he comes.

Monday, August 31, 2009

Why I am a Presbyterian


I did not grow up Presbyterian.  In fact, I have no recollection of ever having met a Presbyterian until I was in seminary, where there were so many of them I immediately vowed NOT to become one.  In my world people were either some form of Baptist (which is how we categorized ourselves), or they were Lutheran or Catholic – everyone else was considered non-Christian or miscellaneous, (which was a polite way to say "probably non-Christian").
......

I grew up a Midwestern Suburban Megachurch Evangelical (see the blog, “Stuff Christian Culture Likes” for a more detailed, and shockingly accurate, description).  Our modest Christian Missionary Alliance congregation grew from 250 or so when I was in preschool to a whopping 8000 attendees by the time I graduated high school.  Church was about youth group, VBS, short term mission trips, bible studies, youth conferences and being a pastor’s kid in a place that went from two pastors to a dozen or so in my childhood.  “Worship” referred only to the singing part of the service, which, after announcements, was split pretty much evenly between a sermon and songs, with about 40 minutes for each.  As a PK I saw all the ins and outs of church politics and watched some people and practices fall through the cracks as the leadership struggled to get ahead of the massive growth and continue to minister as faithfully as possible.  But mostly it was a great experience – God was an active part of my life and central to my identity.
I spent time traveling and had experienced church in many countries and forms before college, but my exposure to the mainline remained limited.  In my small Baptist college, “Calvin” was a four letter word, synonymous with “double-predestination”, and while I still hadn’t met a Presbyterian, I knew I was an Arminian and NOT a Calvinist (i.e., I believed in free will and not predestination!).  I attended a Methodist church off and on during college, and liked some of what they did in worship, but was mostly drawn by its urban, diverse feel and a great Sunday school class.  Beyond that, I didn’t really understand the difference between or need for denominations.
......

The first time I heard the Apostle’s Creed was in seminary.  I arrived in southern California with a suitcase, class schedule, roommate and few other connections, and began a journey of exploration into what “church” really was.   I spent the first 18 months or so visiting every different kind of church I could: United Church of Christ, Evangelical Free, Catholic, Mennonite, Episcopalian, Methodist, Covenant and Presbyterian.  I loved the Catholics’ Stations of the Cross and Ash Wednesday service, the Mennonite’s practical social activism and simple sharing, the Episcopalians had my favorite services for Christmas Eve and Easter.  I experienced the power of liturgy, bond of community, different expressions of the sacrament of communion, and worship as more than just singing and a sermon.  I shared more deeply in a few congregations and my definition of “church” stretched and grew and flourished.
......

As graduation approached, I was faced with a dilemma.  What denomination would I choose?
I went into the denominational studies office of my ecumenical seminary and flipped open the three ring binder of one page summaries, a kind of “Cliffs Notes” on each denomination.  I immediately eliminated all those that did not ordain women.  By this point in my journey my criteria had begun forming itself.
......
-       I wanted a denomination that had a polity with connection and accountability
A hierarchical polity would not work for me, but with a congregational polity I had seen too many maverick, cowboy pastors with dynamic up front presences and little accountability.  And I had lived through enough personal trauma with the church that could have been prevented, or at least greatly reduced, if pastors had more oversight, and churches supported one another instead of figuring out on their own how to deal with conflict and leadership problems.  I liked leadership shared with elders and deacons elected by the congregation, and the idea that the discernment of God’s will may happen better in groups than by individuals. (In other words – bring on the "decently and in order"!)
......
I wanted a denomination that was going to make me work for ordination – I wanted to be second-guessed and challenged along the way.

 My childhood church and own family had suffered some recent great losses and deep pain publicly, my somewhat well-known ministry father had a “fall from grace” and my strong Christian family had crumbled around me.  To say I was hesitant about ministry at that point would be putting it mildly.  But there was still this sense of calling to contend with, so I needed it to be affirmed and tested in a communal process, (no internet ordination for me!)  If I were going to go into this whole mess called the “Church” in a formal way, I wanted a denomination that held me accountable.  I wanted lots of steps and lots of work -  a process with stages and safeguards, and people involved with feedback and opinions all along the way.  I had lost all illusions that individuals could go at it alone, or should.   (In other words – I was pumped about the Book of Order!)
......
-       I resonated deeply with Reformed Theology. 
A phenomenal professor (the late, truly great Ray S. Anderson) had introduced me to Barth and made me fall in love with Bonhoeffer.  I still wasn’t sure what to do with T.U.L.I.P, but I was warming up to Calvin; and the sovereignty of God and emphasis on grace was balm to my overachieving and now disillusioned self who had always felt my faith was in my own hands.  I knew enough to know I wanted to know more.
......
-       I loved preaching.
and Presbyterians know a little something about that…(Barth’s threefold Word: AMEN!)

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-       I wanted deep roots and wide connections.
I didn’t feel I had inherited any real historical Christian roots.  There was a jump in my Christian family tree from the disciples to me, from scripture to my own congregation, and I longed for something more.  I wanted to benefit from a history, from centuries of Christians working out what faith meant for them and passing it onto me.  (In other words – I was psyched about the Book of Confessions!)
......

-       I wanted a denomination with a spectrum of beliefs, views and worship styles
I had dabbled in enough different denominations by this point, and been labeled and prejudged personally by liberals and conservatives alike, to know there was value in (and room for) many perspectives.  I wanted a denomination that valued this as well. Truth, I had come to believe, is not held completely by one particular perspective, and is rather found in the tension between, the commitment to wrestle and wonder, the process of faithful searching, and the support for each other despite differences.  If all churches were just like the one I grew up in, a whole lot of people would be missed, and there would be great gaps in our understanding and experience of God and how we live out our faith.  But the same was true of the much more liberal church I attended on Easters.  It was church to a certain group of people, faithful to its context and calling, but not, in and of itself, the complete picture of the church.  We need each other.  We need people that believe differently than we do. We need people that worship differently than we do.  We need the quiet contemplatives and the rowdy contemporaries and time-honored traditional types.  We need those who are committed to uphold scripture as God’s word and cultivate personal faith in Christ above all else.  We need those who emphasize living out faith in social contexts, fighting for justice and working for peace.  The church can only be the church if we are all in it together – despite (and because of!) our differences.   I loved this about the Presbyterian Church – that its name was on church buildings on both ends of many spectrums.
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After making the decision and beginning my journey, it was another six and a half years before I was ordained. Years spent traveling, working in churches, supplementing my education with Presbyterian classes, completing hurdles, passing exams, meeting MANY more Presbyterians and learning all along the way.  By the time I was ordained in 2006, I could say confidently, as I do now, (though still with not a little surprise): I am a Presbyterian.

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Rev. Kara K Root
Ordained Minister of Word and Sacrament, and Certified Christian Educator, in the PCUSA

Letting Go of Control as Parents

 Here's part of a fun conversation I got to have with another mom about our book.