(Adapted from a message sent to my congregation's parents and grandparents)
Dear Parents and Grandparents,
Just a word about Maundy Thursday and Good Friday services as it relates to children:
I have no childhood memories of Good Friday or Maundy Thursday. Of course my understanding of the story of Jesus involved the Last Supper, his death, and the cross, but my tangible, communal experience of Holy Week moved from the playful joy of the Palm Sunday processional to the redemptive celebration of the resurrection the next Sunday on Easter. Other than my mom’s private prayerful practice of fasting half the day on Good Friday, that day didn’t register much for me.
In retrospect, the experiential, communal, church story of Holy Week for me was mostly positivity and cheer. It wasn’t until much later that I came to experience the darkness the cross: the experience of God with us coming into our suffering and bearing it with us. The powerful recognition that the shadows are as much a part of our journey as the light, and that in Christ, the place God most promises to be is in those places of sorrow and suffering. Truly, we are not only not alone, but God brings life out of the death of us.
The world is filled with fearful things. Kids do not miss this. They feel life’s pain and see it in the world around them. That Jesus takes all suffering into himself, and into the heart of God, is a promise for all of us, no matter what age.
My family has been coming to Good Friday service since my children were very young. At LNPC the service is multi-sensory and moody. We read through the end of Christ's earthly life contrasting the seven last words of Jesus with the seven days of creation. Many people in the congregation stand to read scripture, and our readers are all dressed in black. It feels different in the sanctuary than it does on Sundays, or on our cozy, warm, candlelit contemplative Saturdays. There is a somberness and solemnity to the evening, as we extinguish candles one by one and end in darkness. The service ends with a loud bang, and we all leave the sanctuary in silence.
For my kids’ whole childhood they have attended Good Friday service, and since they were in car seats, we have driven all the way home from church in silence (beginning by hilariously reminding a toddler each time she'd forget - every 90 seconds or so...). We don’t speak until we set foot in the house. A few years ago, I forgot this. My kids met me silently at the church door and we walked to the car without speaking, and then I remembered, and felt grateful that they'd held the silence when I’d forgotten.
We’ve talked this Lent about the “liturgies” that shape us (here, here, here, and here). The counter-forming practices of our faith tell us the real story, when so much around us tells us a different story. God comes into all of it alongside it, to bear it with us and for us. God is not just there when things are going smoothly, or when we feel happy and upbeat. God comes into the scary and sad parts of life – we are not alone. This is the real story.
I want to encourage you not to avoid bringing kids to Maundy Thursday or Good Friday services, no matter their age. We absorb stories by experiencing them alongside others. And Easter Sunday feels far more significant when witnessed and felt within the context of our whole salvation story.
We are all church together, and we worship just as we are, however we are. These worship services may open up interesting conversations in your family. At the very least, they offer a shared experience that speaks to us in music, darkness, scripture, ritual, and communal practice.
Blessings this Holy Week.
Kara
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