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Showing posts from August, 2013

Sabbatical Shift: Cocooning

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I recently read that a caterpillar in a cocoon essentially turns to mush. Its body becomes soup as its frame is reconstructed inside the safety of its drawn-in walls.   I don’t have some lofty vision of being reconstructed or growing wings or any such nonsense, but I do feel cocooned, cocooning, cocoonish, a compulsion to cocoon.  I find myself wanting to draw back, draw in, hunker down in quiet. I am dissolving in a puddle of tired contendedness, moving slowly through the world.  
My heart beats calm and steady most of the time, which feels noticeable; the rushes of adrenaline and anxiety, excitement and anticipation, worry and work juggling are far from me, like a dream.  Like someone else’s life.  I hear friends and colleagues in ministry talking about leading meetings and preparing sermons, and I feel aghast.  My first, uncensored thought is, “I could NEVER do that!” – and I find myself momentarily gazing at them with admiration and awe, even though just four weeks ago I was doin…

Sabbatical Beginnings: Letting go

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It is just hours before I would normally be preaching. Normally. When I’m not on sabbatical. Which I am. So… not tidying up a sermon, then.  Not thinking through the details of the service and wrangling kids into churchish clothes and making last minute calls or adjustments to liturgy. Just, momentarily, instead, feeling the stab of it, the need, or something.
The first week or so of sabbatical was vacation - family, friends, break-neck pace of relaxation and events, hosting and cooking, playing and reading. Wonderful. 
But earlier this week it began to prickle a little.  To creep in around the margins. To wake me early with restlessness.
OK! Good! That was sure nice! A healthy, appropriate ten-day vacation! Now…. What am I doing? Wait, what is this stupid idea, sabbatical? Who ever thought up this ridiculous thing?  How utterly unnecessary!  Clearly, I am more than ready to go back to work! I’m itching to write a sermon.  So that’s proof, right?  And I am brooding about how things are going…